Making friends in childhood or college often felt effortless. We were surrounded by people our age in classrooms, sports teams, and dorms. However, as we age, life changes. We move for jobs, and our schedules fill up, and the built-in social structures that once existed disappear. The good news is that making friends as an adult is a skill you can learn, and it’s well worth the effort.
Acknowledge the Awkwardness
First, let’s just say it: trying to make new friends can feel awkward. It can feel like you’re dating again. That’s a completely normal feeling. Everyone feels a little vulnerable when they put themselves out there. Acknowledging this and giving yourself grace is the first step. You are not alone in this feeling.
Go Where the People Are (Your People)
You won’t make friends sitting on your couch. You have to put yourself in situations where you can meet people. The key is to choose activities based on your genuine interests.
- Join a club: A book club, a hiking group, or a board game cafe.
- Take a class: A pottery class, a language course, or a cooking workshop.
- Volunteer: Support a cause you care about and meet like-minded people.
When you share a common interest, you already have an easy conversation starter.
Be the One to Initiate
This can be the scariest part, but it’s crucial. We often wait for others to make the first move, but they might be just as shy as we are. A simple, low-pressure opening line can work wonders. “I love your dog; what’s its name?” or “I’m new to this class, have you been coming for a while?” Show genuine curiosity about the other person.
The Art of the Follow-Up
Meeting someone once is great, but friendship is built on repeated interactions. This is where many of us often fall short. If you had a good conversation with someone, be brave and suggest a follow-up. Say something like, “It was great talking to you. I’m planning to check out the new coffee shop we discussed next week. Would you be interested in joining?” The worst they can say is no.
Turn Acquaintances into Friends
You probably already have a pool of potential friends: your friendly coworker, the other parent at the park, your neighbor. Be the one to move that relationship from “acquaintance” to “friend.” Invite them for a low-key hangout. A simple “We’re having a few people over for a barbecue on Saturday; we’d love for you to come” can be the bridge to a real friendship.
Be a Good Friend
Remember that friendship is a two-way street. Be a good listener, be reliable, and show up for people. Celebrate their wins and support them through their challenges. The more you embody the qualities of a good friend, the more you will attract those same qualities in others.
